


The Quiet and Unassuming Type

by iceblueteacup



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970's, Angst, Coming of Age, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Multi, Romance, Werewolves, teen, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iceblueteacup/pseuds/iceblueteacup
Summary: A coming of age story on how the Marauders came to be the Marauders. Set in his fifth year we follow Remus as he navigates his feelings for his friend, the traumas of adolescence, and struggling to fight his demons. Will the wolf win, or will Remus fight to remember who he truly is?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not support JK Rowling or her views. Daniel Radcliffe wrote the harry potter books. <3

Remus was always a quiet child. His 'condition' hadn't exactly helped with his self confidence either. When other kids had the chance to bond at school, Remus was spending weeks at a time at home after every full moon. His small body struggled to cope with the physical and mental effects of transforming. Even the strongest of adults couldn't pass a full moon unphased. His skin tore and bones broke and his mind fell apart completely with every transformation, only to attempt to pull itself back together by day break. His parents did what they could to make his life easier and more comfortable, but there was only so much they could control. So Remus spent most of his childhood alone and afraid, often hiding himself in the back of his wardrobe, fearing all the things he saw, and did, and thought when the monster took over. 

He was nervous about starting Hogwarts, without the comfort of his parents there to help him. They had perfected a routine leading up to a full moon every month, to help Remus get through it with minimal problems. But then, in September of 1971 he had to move forward into the unknown. His dad's old trunk in the overhead and his grandfather's owl sat beside him, the Hogwarts Express left Kings Cross Station. 

After about 10 minutes of staring out the window at the passing nature in an attempt to calm himself down, Remus was abruptly shocked out of his anxiety induced daydream by a sharp knock at his compartment door. Standing awkwardly at the window was a scared looking red headed girl, hesitating about whether to open the door. She slid it open slightly, and shyly asked “Do you mind if I sit in here?”  
“Yeah, of course.” Remus replied, equally shy.  
“Oh thank you. Most people on this train don’t seem so nice.”  
“Oh no, really?” Remus felt his stomach clench.  
“I’m Lily by the way.” the girl said, and after a pause added “Don’t worry I’m nice.”  
“Remus...Also nice..I hope.” He smiled shyly.  
They sat together in an awkward silence for a lot of the train ride. Lily was reading, whilst Remus kept staring out of the window, wishing he could get to his books but feeling too awkward to open his trunk in front of Lily, knowing he had made a complete mess of packing, imagining images of his underwear spilling out all over the floor, and his diary falling directly onto her lap, open on the exact page he talks about being a werewolf. He couldn’t afford to embarrass himself like that before he even got to school, and he was planning on keeping his condition a secret the whole way through school, just as he had before. So instead of risking it all, he just stayed sat, bored, drawing smiley faces into the condensation on the window and picking at a loose thread on his cloak, that his mum had warned him against doing before he left.  
Lily finished her book about an hour into the train journey. She shut the book, laid it to the side of her, then picked up her next book and began reading. After about 10 seconds, she looked up, noticing Remus staring at her and she said “Do you want to read it?” and handed over the book she had just finished. Remus smiled, thanked her, and began reading. The rest of the journey to Hogwarts was filled with a warm and comfortable silence between the two friends. 

After both being sorted into gryffindor they gravitated toward each other. Walking to classes together, getting lost in the castle together, getting detention for being late together. Until eventually they became best friends.  
Lily figured out Remus was a werewolf without him having to tell her. She didn't even bring it up or confront him about it, just one night, when they were talking about homework Lily said "Of course you won't be able to get much done tonight given that it's full moon." And, watching as Remus' face dropped, she added " Oh, don't worry, you can copy mine" and they just carried on like everything was normal, a weight suddenly lifted from Remus' shoulders. 

Lily had been the one to introduce Remus to the boys. She had quidditch practice with James, and James of course was attached at the hip to Sirius who, in turn, was followed around by Peter Pettigrew.  
Remus hadn't paid much attention to them, his first few years at Hogwarts. They were loud and boisterous and sporty types and Remus couldn't be further from such a description. And besides, he wanted nothing more than to get through Hogwarts unscathed, it seemed the best way was to keep to himself. He had a best friend in Lily, and a lot of studying to do , considering he was constantly taking time off classes, after every transformation. Every time he felt he had caught up with the work another full moon came along.

The morning of Lily’s first big quidditch game, she could barely eat breakfast. Remus was trying to encourage her, “Just a banana, at least, you’re going to pass out on the broom otherwise.” She took the banana from him, but just set it in front of her on the table, to be forgotten about. “You know I vomit when I’m nervous, I would prefer to avoid a repeat of the great transfiguration presentation of 72’ - McGonagall has never looked me in the eye since”  
“You did vomit on her cloak. Whilst she was wearing it. Then slip in it whilst you were trying to clean it up” Remus snorted.  
“Be quiet Remus, my only saving grace was that those presentations were 1 on 1, if anyone ever found out...”  
“Anyone or just one someone?” Remus asked, nodding at James Potter as he entered the great hall, his trail of friends and admirers following in suit. Lily scoffed. “I don’t fancy him! I don’t know why you keep saying that.” She protested.  
“Fine I guess I’ll just tell him then..” Remus said, “Hey Potter!” He called across the dining hall.  
“No.” Lily frantically grabbed Remus’ arm to stop him waving James over. “Don’t you dare.” She spoke in a quiet but stern voice. Remus just smirked.  
“Whats’ up Loopy.”  
“Don’t call him that.” Lily interjected, immediately.  
“Just wanted to say good luck.” Remus added, smiling mockingly at Lily.  
“Oh thanks mate. You know I think we got it in the bag.”  
“You bloody better win mate, I have money on it.” Sirius added, leaning over Remus to grab some toast from the table, winking at him as he did. “See you at the game.” He added, before heading off with James, who was chastising him for betting on him. Lily smirked at Remus.  
“What?” Remus added.  
“Oh, nothing.” Lily replied, still smiling to herself. 

*

Remus had never been into sports, and had never gone to a single quidditch match his entire time at Hogwarts. But then Lily got a place on the team and he figured he ought to support his best friend, and just disregard his feelings of displacement and intimidation, if only for an hour or so.  
The atmosphere was already overwhelming before the game had even begun. The majority of the school came to these games, and, at the same time, all tried to scramble into the stands for the best seat. The stands were so jam packed with people, Remus hadn’t seen his own feet since he started climbing the long and winding stairs up to his seat. He was sure he hadn’t been in this close contact with so many strangers' bodies since he had taken the London Underground to visit his muggle grandparents. And the smell was just as bad. Similarly to the London Underground, Remus would also detect the scent of smoke and alcohol every now and then, where students had smuggled butterbeer and fire-whisky in from Hogsmeade, and others had managed to smuggle in cigarettes they’d stolen from their parents, or bought from muggles using a trick fake ID they’d bought from Zonko’s, that would say any age you wanted it to, every time you use it, so no matter what country you are in, you’d always be the right age. “Guaranteed to fool even the cleverest of muggles” was what Zonko had said.  
Remus had never bought one though, he never really felt the need to drink, and he didn’t like the smell of smoke. Although, there weren’t many scents he enjoyed, given that his sense of smell had heightened since he was attacked. It got particularly worse during the full moon, he’d practically gag during dinner the night of a transformation, and would refuse to eat anything except plain meat and bread. Lily once mentioned that she had a similar problem, “Every time I get my period, the only food I can stomach is chocolate.” She laughed.  
But the night of the quidditch match there was no full moon, which meant Remus could bear the overwhelming combination of smells, just about. Although, he wasn’t a fan of the crowd, or the fact he couldn’t find a single seat anywhere.  
“Hey, come sit over here!” He heard a voice from above him, and turned to see Sirius Black leaning back on the bench with his feet up. He was wearing big black dragonhide boots, with the laces untied in a way that seemed to be on purpose. He had hair down to his shoulders and an outfit that wouldn’t look out of place at an Iggy Pop concert. His entire ensemble was completely black, and Remus wondered if he purposely wanted to embody his last name. His trousers were tight and almost shiny, with a torn black jumper that hung off his skinny frame. He also had a single gold hoop earring, and Remus had heard rumours that he had given himself a tattoo using an old Muggle technique in the back of Slughorns lesson back in third year. Although he wasn’t sure if it was true. “Well, sit down then.” he swung his legs off the bench to give Remus room, which he did, nervously perching on the edge, pulling the sleeves of his brown homemade jumper over his hands. He began to feel self conscious about how uncool he was, compared to Sirius, who seemed to ooze coolness without even trying. Remus was the complete opposite of Sirius, as a quiet mousy haired halfblood, who’s wardrobe consisted solely of corduroy trousers and brown jumpers, and the most daring thing he ever did was stay up all night to finish reading a book he was really into. He just didn’t expect Sirius to want to sit with him really.  
“You’re very quiet.” Sirius stated.  
“Sorry” Remus replied.  
“Don’t be sorry.” Sirius smiled at him. “How’s your potions essay coming?”  
“Good, I’ve done about 3 scrolls.”  
“Shit you’ve finished?”  
“Yeah, I mean...it’s due tomorrow.”  
“Are you joking? I’ve not started...Oh well. I reckon I can sweet talk old Slughorn. I hear he likes fire-whiskey.” Sirius pulled a bottle of firewhisky from behind his chair. “Although, I might get him another bottle.” He added before pulling the lid off and taking a gulp. “You want some?” He asked.  
“I don’t know….” Remus would normally say no. To anyone else he would say no. He had never drank but he’d read something about alcohol and werewolves not mixing. It did specify that it was only bad to drink on full moons but Remus was a cautious type. But, with Sirius offering. Sirius who was so cool and made Remus want to be cooler, Remus felt a little more rebellious. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “What if we’re caught?” he replied. To which Sirius just pointed over to the teachers seats, where a bottle of firewhisky was getting passed around by Professor Sprout. They watched as Slughorn eagerly filled his cup to the very brim, and laughed as he immediately spilt it all over the first years in front of him.  
“Okay, fine.” Remus said, and took a swig.  
“It’s the only way I can get through these games.” Sirius said. “I hate sports.” Remus smiled, shocked at how wrong he’d been about Sirius.  
“Me too,” He agreed.

The game seemed to fly by, but Remus could barely tell you what happened. He and Sirius were mainly chatting the whole time, occasionally looking up when everyone cheered and joining in if it seemed to be for the right team. They felt they could figure out who was winning by cheers alone. They filed out of the stadium, realising, as they tried to climb down the narrow staircase, that they were far drunker than they had felt sitting down. Holding onto each other for stability, they laughed wildly together, feeling as if they were in their own little inside joke. Remus began to head toward the castle, but Sirius pulled him to one side, “We should wait here for Lily and James.” He smiled. “It will be so loud in the common room it’ll be unbearable.” Remus just nodded and followed Sirius as he led the way behind the stalls, where two old trunks meant for quidditch equipment were left discarded, looking as if they’d been there for decades. Sirius perched on top of one of the trunks, using it as a bench, and pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his pocket. “You want one. It’ll help you sober up a bit.” He smiled. “I don’t need sobering up” Remus said, as he attempted to sit on the adjacent trunk, but missed, and fell straight to the ground at Sirius’ feet.  
“Okay.” He laughed. “Maybe I do.” Sirius helped him up.  
“Open.” He smiled, and Remus parted his lips slightly, as instructed. Sirius slipped the cigarette between Remus’ lips, then pulled his wand out of his back pocket and lit it. “Now suck.” Sirius whispered in Remus’ ear, and Remus immediately began choking on the smoke. Sirius laughed, and added, “Let me show you.” To which, he took Remus’ hand, and directed it toward his own mouth, taking a drag of the cigarette, whilst maintaining eye contact with Remus, whose heart had begun beating hard and fast in his chest. Remus felt his mouth become dry, and he felt extremely conscious of Sirius’ fingers wrapped around his palm, and began worrying that his palm might be sweating.  
Sirius exhaled, the smoke billowing directly into Remus’ face. “Sorry.” He said.  
“Don’t be sorry.” Remus replied shyly. They both sat in silence for a moment, but it felt nice, comfortable. Then they heard the sound of a door slamming, and turned to see Lily leaving the changing rooms crying.  
“Shit.” Remus said. “Do you think she’s okay?” he turned to look at Sirius, who looked equally worried, but shrugged and said, “Maybe we were wrong about them winning?” Remus frowned, and brought the cigarette back up to his mouth and took a drag, exhaling without choking this time. “There you go!” Sirius said excitedly, getting up from his trunk to sit next to Remus. “You’re getting the hang of this.” He took the cigarette from Remus and took a drag himself.  
“What do you think you two are doing?”  
Remius and Sirius jumped, turning to see Fernsby, the Quidditch coach looming over them with a stern face on.  
“I’ll see both of you in detention tomorrow.”  
“Fuck” Remus said softly, as they headed back into the castle.  
“I think I’m a bad influence on you Lupin.” Sirius laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius have detention together.

The next morning Remus woke up smiling. Thinking about Sirius made him feel warm, and excited. But then he remembered how Lily had been the night before. She hadn’t been in the common room celebrating with everyone else when they got back to the castle. Remus was concerned but Sirius suggested she might have just wanted to sleep. They stayed up chatting together by the fire for hours, even when everyone else slowly started heading to bed until it was just the two of them. In moments of silence between them the only sounds they could hear was the crackling of the fire and the tapping of the rain on the window.   
“I think there’s gonna be a storm,” Remus mentioned.   
“I hope so.” Sirius said. “I love thunder.”  
“Really? I’m not a huge fan to be honest. I’m pretty easily scared.” He chuckled softly, blushing.   
“Well...maybe I could hold your hand.” Sirius smirked, slowly inching his hand across the sofas to gently rest against Remus’, reaching out. Remus felt himself blush even more, he wanted more than anything to take control, and just take Sirius’ hand in his, but he just couldn't build up the courage, he inched his finger closer to Sirius’, brushing slightly against his thumb. He looked up to see Sirius’ eyes were fixed on him, watching as he navigated an attempt at making a move. Remus opened his mouth to say something when the common room door swung open, and Lily burst into the room. Remus snatched his hand away from Sirius at the first sight of her. Lily stopped when he noticed them sitting there. “Oh sorry. I thought everyone would be in bed by now.” As she spoke Remus noticed a slight tremor in her voice. She was dripping wet and Remus could smell the cold on her from where he sat.   
“Come sit by the fire, you look freezing.” Remus insisted.   
“I’ll probably head to bed now anyway.” Sirius said, getting up to give Lily space. “See you tomorrow.” He laughed awkwardly. “For detention.”   
“Oh yeah, see you.” Remus said, before quickly turning to help Lily. He grabbed a blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms to try and warm her up. “Are you okay?” He asked. She hadn’t looked him in the eye the entire time she was sat there. She was just staring into the fire, shaking. “Yeah I just got a bit tired and overwhelmed… I just went for a walk and ...I didn’t realise the time and …”   
Remus pulled out his wand and did a quick hair drying spell, but she still continued to shake in his arms. “I think I just...need some sleep.” She said before getting up and heading toward the girls dorms, still not having looked him in the eye once. “Thank you.” she said quietly, before heading upstairs to bed. Remus was left sitting alone by a dying fire, feeling as if he had done something wrong, but he couldn’t quite figure out what. 

When he got down to the common room the next morning he was desperate to find Lily and talk to her, make sure she was okay. He felt an urgency to ensure his best friend was okay, a sense deep within him that something was wrong. But there was no one in the common room. He assumed that perhaps she was still asleep and waited eagerly but the girls dorm staircase for her to come down. He waited and waited and no one came down, until, 40 minutes later, Sirius came down the stairs, his hair still messy, and his eyes half closed. "You ready for this fun Saturday detention, then, Lupin." He said leaning against the wall next to him.  
"More ready than you are," Remus replied, touching Sirius' hair. "Do you own a brush?"   
Sirius swatted Remus' hand away. "hey! I like it like this" he smiled. " So, you ready to go?"   
"No, I'm waiting for Lily, after last night I wanted to make sure she's alright."   
"Oh, she's not up there she's with James." Sirius said. "He's taking her on a very romantic walk where he intends on asking her out." Remus' face dropped. "Oh." he said, "Good." He smiled, though he didn't really feel that it was good, and he wasn't entirely sure why. On their way to detention Remus glanced out the window at the grounds below and noticed Lily and James sitting by the great lake, her red hair glowing under the rare autumn sunshine, seeming to create a gleaming aura around the couple as they laughed together, love in their eyes and hope in their hearts. 

“Right, you guys are gonna be cleaning out my supply cupboard.” Fernsby said when they arrived at his office. He was leaning back on his chair with his feet on his desk. “I’ve been meaning to do it for ages and lucky for me you two idiots got caught smoking so now I don’t have to.” He smirked, pulling out the packet of cigarettes he’d confiscated the day before, lighting one right in front of them. “Oh, and you won’t be using magic either.” He winked. 

“He’s such a dick.” Sirius complained when they were left alone in the unbelievable mess of the supply cupboard. It was roughly the size of a shed, but was filled with so many overflowing boxes of stuff that you couldn’t move two steps without stubbing your toe.   
“I don’t know how Lily puts up with him honestly.”   
“He’s probably nice to her, she plays Quidditch, is the MVP zooming around the pitch, with the whole school cheering for her. We’re just a couple of weedy queers hanging out behind the stands.”   
“Speak for yourself.” Remus nudged him playfully, laughing.   
“Okay that's fair. I guess you're less weedy than me. Plus you have that scar, that makes you look very manly.”   
Remus suddenly went quiet, paralyzed by the fear of Sirius knowing what he was. Lily was understanding, but she was muggleborn, she might not understand the prejudices against werewolves enough to have them. But Sirius, he grew up in the most pureblood family there is, he had no doubts he’d not have them.   
“Maybe we should just get on with this, then we can get out of here sooner.” Remus said, turning from Sirius and beginning to sort through the nearest box.   
“Oh, sorry I shouldn’t have brought it up I-”  
“No, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry. Let's just get on with it.” Remus added. They spent the next hour silently working. Every now and then Sirius would look up over and Remus, want to say something, then think better of it and just keep working. Other times, Remus would look up, over at Sirius, and think about just telling him why he was so awkward, telling him the truth. And then he’d think better of it and keep working. Neither boy ever noticed the others' reticent stares. 

After an hour, as they were almost done, Remus heard a clatter from the back of the room. “What the FUCK!” He heard Sirius call out. He rushed over, thoughts of terrible things happening to Sirius as he made his way through the maze of remaining boxes. But when he got there, he just saw Sirius crouched over a Walkman, his head leaning close to the headphones that were laying on the floor, to hear the faint sound of the music playing from them. Remus just burst out laughing at the image of him. “What!!??” Sirius whined playfully shoving at Remus’ leg when he continued to laugh at Sirius’ confusion. Remus sat down on the floor next to him, picked up the headphones and said “It’s a walkman” Before placing the headphones over Sirius’ ears. He watched as Sirius’ expression changed. “OH MY GOD!!!” He shouted. “THIS IS HOW MUGGLES LISTEN TO MUSIC?” Remus chuckled and lifted one side of the headphones so Sirius could see how ridiculously loudly he was yelling. “Yes.” Remus smiled. “My mum has loads of tapes like this at home. What artist is it?”   
“Oh I don’t know, I don’t think I know any muggle bands. Can we both listen to it?”   
“Yeah, like this.” Remus took the headphones off Sirius’ head, turning the speakers outward, and leaned in next to Sirius, so they were both holding one speaker each to their ear. “Oh! Brilliant! It’s the Rolling Stones! I love this song!” Sirius smiled, leaning in closer. “I HAVE to show this to Lily, she’d love it!” Remus added. Sirius stopped the tape.   
“Maybe we should finish the boxes? Then we could get out of here in time for lunch.” 

*

The sun had begun to set on Hogwarts, and Remus found himself heading to the Great Hall alone. Sirius had disappeared shortly after lunch, and Lily and James hadn’t been seen all day. But they had all planned to sit together at dinner, so he wasn’t too concerned about his sudden solitude. That was, until, on turning a corner from the common room, he noticed Sirius leaving a room he had never noticed before, looking flustered and blushing slightly. He went to call over to him, when a tall hufflepuff boy followed after Sirius. Remus quickly hid behind the one-eyed witch statue, suddenly feeling as if he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to. His heart began to race, and his stomach turned, as he watched the hufflepuff boys' hands tracing down Sirius’ back, before he leaned in and kissed him on the mouth. Remus’ heart sank, and he watched, as they walked right past the one-eyed witch, never even noticing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you prefer the shorter chapters like this one or longer like the first one?


	3. Chapter 3

Remus walked straight past where Lily, James, Sirius and Peter were sitting, pretending he didn't hear them as they called his name. He sat far enough away from them he could avoid ever looking over, or having anyone look over at him. But it wasn't long before Lily came running over and sat opposite him.   
"Hey silly, we were calling you, you walked straight passed us" she giggled, her happiness radiating out of her. Remus half smiled, and tried to focus instead on the food in front of him.   
"I have some exciting news!! James asked me out." She was smiling as if it was impossible for her to stop. "Listen I know I said I didn't fancy him, but I was just embarrassed. I think it was pretty obvious. Like you and Sirius." She teased.   
"I don't like him." Remus snapped.   
"Oh, sorry I- are you okay? It’s not a full moon tonight is it."  
"For fuck sake Lily, am I not allowed to experience emotion unless its full fucking moon! Just leave me alone."   
Lily pulled back, tears glistening in her eyes  
"Well I guess I'll go... I just thought you'd be happy for me." a tear fell down her cheek as she spoke, and she hurried off back to sit with James, wiping a tear from her face before she sat down. Remus didn't finish his dinner, instead he got up and went straight to bed. He noticed Sirius and James watching him as he left. He wondered what Lily had told them. He wondered if he'd got any friends left. 

Remus fell asleep as soon as he got to bed, still in his normal clothes. He fell deeply and quickly into a stirring unstable dream, if there were anyone in the room to see him, they'd have seen him twitching and convulsing so ferociously both his duvet and pillows ended up spread across the floor. He dreamt himself the wolf, a dream he only has in times of great turmoil. He saw from his own point of view as he roamed the grounds of Hogwarts, hungry and angry. He stalked the grounds, feeling the cold against his neck, and the bright moonlight in his eyes. Running through the forbidden forest he felt the branches whip against his skin. He felt himself being watched, and turned to see behind him were his friends, James, Lily and Sirius, standing together, whispering to each other, laughing together. Laughing at him.   
He felt anger grow within him, he felt the hunger grow, he felt the madness grow. And before he knew it, he was charging at them, and they were screaming, and he was tearing at their skin, and they were shrieking, and he felt their blood dripping down his chin, and their life fade from their eyes. And suddenly, he was no longer the wolf, but himself, standing, surrounded by the bodies of his friends, covered in their blood, with no one to blame but himself. 

He woke up, and saw Sirius was staring at him from his own bed. None of the other boys had come to bed yet, so a silent awkwardness lingered in the air between them.   
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked, with sincere concern.  
"I just had a bad dream" Remus replied, picking up his bedding from the floor.   
"You…. Okay, well I just came to get my cards, we are gonna have a game of Exploding Snap if you wanted to join?"   
"No thanks, I just need some sleep" Remus replied. Though it was a lie, he didn't sleep another wink, terrified of having another dream like the one he'd had before. 

*  
Monday morning they all had Divination first thing. A lesson they all had loved and hated in equal amounts. In the afternoon the lessons were often enjoyable, high spirits and laughter filling the room as friends make up prophecies for each other, whilst their divination teacher Professor Soothsayer nodded along excitedly at their supposed prophecies. But on a Monday morning, when everyone was tired, and the weather was awful, and having to think creatively wasn't anyone's priority, it was awful. And with the tensions Remus had built within his friendships there was nothing he wanted more than to sink into the ground, when Soothsayer called on Remus and Sirius' to do a love reading on one another.   
Remus was reticent but Sirius took the teacup, pretended to read the tea leaves then confidently stated "I think this means that Remus is in love with his best friend but she doesn't like him back so he is mad about it, and treating everyone around him like shit because of it." Remus grew red and snatched Sirius' cup and retorted "Well Sirius seems to be leading people on for no good reason, only to desert them for someone else, probably because he's a slu-"   
"Okay enough, Hannah and Gaveeta your turn" Soothsayer interrupted, sensing the tension and moving the class's attention along.   
"What the fuck Remus" Sirius whispered.  
"You started it."   
"Well I just told the truth, you were just being mean."  
"Oh you told the truth? I think mine was pretty close to the truth"  
"Oh, how so?"   
"I saw you, on Saturday, with that boy, the hufflepuff boy." Sirius blushed.  
"That… well what do you care, you spent the whole day talking about Lily. Its Lily this, Lily that. What was I supposed to do? Just wait around for you to like me when you are clearly in love with HER."   
"I AM NOT - " At this moment Lily got up, and quickly rushed from the room. Remus noticed she was holding her hand over her mouth, her face pale and grey. He turned to Sirius and added in a low whisper " I am not in love with her" before he rushed after Lily to make sure she was okay. 

He heard Lily before he saw her. The sound of retching coming from the old disused girls bathroom. He rushed in "Lily! Are you okay?" He called.   
"Remus?" A stall door slowly opened to find Lily sat on the floor by the toilet her head in her hands.   
"Hey." he said, sitting down opposite her on the floor. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. Please forgive me, I was a total dick."  
Lily smiled. "I forgive you."   
"So what's wrong anyway?"  
"I don't know? Too much treacle tart probably"   
They both turned at the sound of splashing and the shaking of a stall door, before Moaning Myrtle raised up above their stall.  
"Oh hello." She smiled. "Boys aren't supposed to be in here." Her voice was whiney and nasal, and created hostility amongst even the kindest of people.   
"We know Myrtle, I'm just helping my friend." Remus sighed.   
"Oh yes. I could hear you throwing up, I was just floating in the pipes thinking about death when you came in. Third time you've been sick this week isn't it?"   
Remus frowned and turned to Lily. "Is that true?"   
"It's nothing. Probably just nerves you know how I am, and we have that big Potions test soon so- "  
"Don't be naive, little red, I think we all know what's going on here." Myrtle interrupted.   
"What do you mean?" Remus asked.  
"Your little friend is pregnant, scarface." Myrtle giggled. Remus' face dropped. "Ooh not the father are we?" Myrtle floated down to be sitting right next to them. "Or do you not know who the father is?" Lily went pale and didn't speak. Seeing the awkwardness she had caused Myrtle cackled as she flew across the room and back into the toilet where she dwelled.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily knew immediately what she had to do, though she didn't like to think about it too much.   
"The sooner the better," She said to Remus. "I just want to get it over with and never think about it again."   
They were sat together under a tree by the lake, a particularly sunny day had surprised them and they felt they ought not to waste it, given that the sky would likely be grey for the foreseeable future.   
"Have you told James?"  
Lily paused. "...no"   
"Are you going to?"   
"No"  
"Don't you think he needs to know?"  
"No, and please stop talking about him before I fall out with you."  
"Sorry. Well anyway I found a map in the library and there's a muggle clinic just outside Hogsmeade, we can easily get there."   
"How?"  
"I'll show you." 

Remus told Lily to meet him by the Whomping Willow at 3 O’Clock the next day. It was the best time to sneak out, as there was a Hufflepuff v Slytherin Quidditch match on, a semi final game to see who would be playing against Gryffindor next week. So important that almost everyone was going to it, so they didn’t have to worry about students or staff seeing them. But, as with all quidditch games, you never knew how long it would last, it could be over in minutes or last several days, but it was their only chance to leave the grounds unseen, and they couldn’t afford to wait.   
Remus was sitting on the grass, using a floating spell to make all the fallen autumn leaves float in a line in front of him.   
“Hey! Remus!” Remus turned, the leaves falling into a messy pile in front of him, as Sirius bounded over to him.   
“I wanted to talk to you.”  
“You're not at the game.”   
“Of course I’m not,” Sirius laughed. “Besides I knew you wouldn’t be either and, well I wanted to apologise about everything. I… well the truth is, I do like you. I wasn’t leading you on I promise. I just, really thought you had a thing for…” Lily ran over from the castle. “Sorry I’m late!”  
“Lily?” Sirius' face dropped, he turned to Remus, frowning. “Am I just a complete idiot?”   
“No..” Remus insisted. “No. I’ll talk to you later?”   
Sirius sighed. “Fine, okay. I’ll go I guess.”   
Lily looked concerned as he walked away. “Did I interrupt something?”  
Remus sighed, not wanting to make Lily feel bad, but not wanting to lie. “It’s okay, don’t worry. Let’s just go.” 

Remus' parents weren't aware of what precautions were being put in place at Hogwarts when they first sent him off, but they had been assured precautions would be in place. There had never been a werewolf student at Hogwarts before. Werewolf rights were fairly widely disputed in the Ministry and despite most werewolves being well intentioned, and all werewolves being victims of attack, there seemed to be little sympathy for them. But one key voice in the fight for werewolf rights had always been Dumbledore. And so he made sure to give Remus, Hogwarts first Werewolf student, the best opportunities, and the greatest precautions, to keep both Remus and the other students safe.  
It had scared him, his first night, to go creeping out into the night, under the whomping willow, through endless caves of darkness, until he reached the cold creaking wooden walls of the shrieking shack. Although, before his shrieks were heard, it was simply just a shack. A shack that Dumbledore had furnished with a bed and curtains to give it a more "homely feel" he had said. But it didn't feel homely at all. Far from it. His first full moon at Hogwarts, the scared 11 year old boy, away from his parents for the very first time, he huddled up under the blankets in the middle of the bed, shaking and crying in fear of the anticipation of his transformation, and woke up th next morning to find the wolf had utterly destroyed the bed, and torn down the curtains.  
Every full moon for the next seven years Remus would find his way through the secret tunnel and into the shack, where his transformations would be so intense, he would shriek and cry with the pain of it all. The wolf would stalk around the shack, tearing at the walls and clawing at the floorboards, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. In his final two years at Hogwarts he found himself less alone, even in his most loneliest hours, but as it was, in his fifth year, Lily was the only person beside himself and Dumbledore to ever set foot in the place. 

“This is crazy.” Lily kept saying, as they walked through the tunnel. Remus couldn’t tell if she meant the secret tunnel under the aggressive tree that led out of the school grounds, or just the situation she found herself in. Either way he agreed. Lily climbed out of the tunnel ahead of Remus, who turned to shut the secret door. Lily was standing in the middle of the bedroom.   
“Was this you?” She said, looking around at all the scratch marks down the walls, all the years of pain and anguish caught inside these walls left an impression, you can see.   
“Yes… Are you afraid of me?” He asked.   
“No. Never.” She said, and she rushed over to hug Remus. “I would never be afraid of you Remus.” 

Remus spent the next hour waiting. He watched as Muggles came in and out, some alone, some with their partners. All entering with a fear and sense of burden, and leaving feeling lighter and happier, and free from fear. And outside, although the rain began to fall, and pound heavy on the clinic roof, the sun continued to shine, and across the sky, Remus watched as a rainbow formed. When Lily came back out of the hospital room she was smiling, but with tears running down her face. “You okay?” He asked.   
“I am now.” She said, tears still running down her face.   
“Are you sure?”  
“Definitely. It’s just complicated, you know. But it’s good, this is so good. Lets just go.” 

When they got back to Hogwarts, Remus walked Lily up to the girls dorm. The common room and dorms were still empty, everyone still at the game. “You need to rest.” He said. Lily was sat on the bed, she reached out and took Remus’ hand. “Please stay.” She said.   
“Okay.” Neither bothered changing, they just took off their shoes, and lay on top of the covers in their coats. Remus didn’t intend to fall asleep, but the whole day had felt so exhausting, and he hadn’t been getting much sleep recently. His dreams were getting worse and worse every night. But laying next to his best friend, holding her when she needed comfort, he fell asleep immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think so far!


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn’t long before the news of Remus spending the night in the girls dorm had spread around their whole year. They had gotten to the age where this kind of thing was at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Everyone wanted to pretend they were cool enough to not find sex shocking, whilst simultaneously excitedly spreading any sliver of gossip that sex was happening. Of course, it would be ridiculous to anyone that knew Remus that he would have sex with anyone in the middle of a dorm room filled with other students, he didn’t even like getting changed in front of his friends. But gossip didn’t care for truth or logic, only scandal and intrigue. And the two people least likely to end up in this kind of scandal, had, so of course that made the gossip extra juicy. Everyone had always assumed Remus was gay and Lily was a prude. But this new turn of events told a different story.   
When confronted about the whole thing, mostly by people he would barely consider an acquaintance, he didn’t justify it with a response. He thought it the most sensible thing to do, given that he didn’t exactly want to tell everyone the real reason he was there, and, he had assumed, anyone who really knew him would know it was completely innocent. But perhaps he was too quick to assume. 

Although the news travelled quickly it seemed his closest friends were the last to know. Which, he supposed, was a blessing, given how they reacted. James was with Lily almost 24/7 for a whole week, except of course when they slept, because that would have caused more scandal. And no one was going to go around spreading rumours about Lily right to her face, so in a way, they were safe from James’ reaction, for a while. Remus wondered if Lily did this on purpose, but when he watched how happy James made her, and how the smiles on both their faces lit up the room when they were together, he understood that their proximity to each other wasn’t tactical, it was organic. On reflection, Remus considers this week of his life, one of the best. It was a glowing warmth of friendship, where his feelings for Sirius felt, for once, uncomplicated, and he grew to truly love James as a brother and a friend. Despite the terrible autumn weather, he had never felt warmth as great as he did that week. They joked together in class, drank together at the Three Broomsticks, played Exploding Snap in the common room, and he and Sirius smoked together by the great lake, and listened to the music on the walkman. 

The morning after the abortion Sirius pulled him aside while he was walking to Herbology.  
“Hey, so you said you’d talk to me. I am going crazy, I need to know what’s going on.”   
Remus was so surprised and in awe of Sirius’ ability to be so raw and vulnerable, whilst keeping so much composure. Remus felt like he had the least composure of anyone, like he was always fumbling over words, and through sentences. But not Sirius. In all honesty, Sirius’ ability to just be himself, truly and freely, despite the displeasure of his parents, was something that Remus loved about him. Remus always felt himself trying to fit a mould, and try and be who everyone else wants him to be. He was always hiding part of himself, whether it was his condition from pretty much everyone, or his feelings for his friend, or his sexuality from his parents. He didn’t want to become this outsider, he already felt like a problem child. But a gay werewolf? What would his parents think of that? As nice as they were, he knew they held traditional values. Besides, it was hard to be open when you are so confused. It wasn’t until he met Sirius that he felt he truly knew.   
Remus smiled. “I like you, too.”   
Sirius grinned. “Okay. Good. Well, see you after class, I guess.” He said, turning to walk away, but stopping and quickly whipping around to kiss Remus on the cheek.   
Remus was blushing for the next hour, his cheek burning where Sirius’ lips had been, like they’d permanently marked him. He felt like everyone knew, just by looking at him. But in reality, people had no idea at all. In fact, people were still murmuring about Lily everytime he passed them. But he paid it no mind, all he could think about was getting out of class to spend more time in Sirius’ eyes. But the happiness he felt that week, did have to end, eventually. And so, on the Friday, after finishing class early, Sirius and Remus snuck out to the quidditch pitch while it was empty. They messed around with some quaffles they found in the supply cupboard, and ran around, throwing them at achother, and attempting to get them through the hoops whilst staying firmly on the ground, neither of the boys was great with a broom. Eventually, Sirius used magic to win and Remus pretended not to notice, and they went behind the stands to smoke cigarettes, as they had made their tradition. And again, as before, they were interrupted again, only not by Fernsby, but by James, who, followed after by Lily, found himself abruptly unable to word his sentences, at the instance he came face to face with Remus.   
“You..You!!!” He said angrily, stuttering with rage.   
“James, please..” Lily cried. “Please let me explain.” He batted her off his arm, that she so desperately clung to.   
“You got her pregnant.” James finally said. Remus, shocked and affronted, looked over at Lily immediately, unsure what to say. He had guessed from the fact she didn’t want to tell James that he might not have been the father, but he didn’t 100% believe it until now.   
“I…”   
“Don’t try and get out of this, I know it was you, you’ve been all over each other this whole time, I kept comforting Sirius, telling him that he was just being paranoid, but I guess he was right.” Remus looked over at Sirius, wanting so desperately to see understanding in his eyes, but Sirius just looked away.   
“I know you stayed in her bed the other night, I know you went with her to the abortion. It all adds up, it all makes sense. But if you like each other so much, why did you have to drag us into it! Why did you have to hurt us!” James was yelling now.   
“James it’s not like that please…”   
“Whats going on here!” Fernsby turned up, obviously he’d been in his office this whole time. Remus wondered how he and Sirius had avoided his wrath when they’d been messing around earlier.   
“Nothing, we were just leaving, right Sirius?” James said firmly. Sirius looked back at Remus, his heartbreak written across his face, then got up and walked away with James. “I guess we’ll go too.” Remus added.   
“No, Lily, I need a word with you.” Fernsby said. Remus frowned.   
“She didn’t do anything!”   
“I just need a word about quidditch practice, don’t get your wand in a knot, scarface.” Fernsby patted him on the back, in a strangely friendly ritual normally only shared between two rather manly men. Remus felt his arm go dead at the impact of it.   
“I’ll see you inside?” Lily said to Remus, before heading to Fernsby’s office, and Remus, once again, was alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Lily became increasingly withdrawn as the weeks went on without James by her side. Though her and Remus still spent the majority of their time together, neither one felt as if the other was fully there. Secrets felt like currency, to which they had become in debt to each other, both afraid to mention it, or to resolve any of their ongoing misery. Sirius and James had gone back to being the loud popular guys, who flirted with everyone, and couldn’t be settled down. Everyone in school had an idea of what had happened, which created an overwhelming sense of sympathy toward the boys and only looks of resentment and a further feeling of exile for Lily and Remus. But of course no one actually knew what had happened. In fact, Remus was almost as in the dark as everyone else. But he was trying to be a good friend, and honestly Lily was more important to him than anyone else. So did it really matter that it was just them again. It was enough, before he met Sirius, and before Lily met James. So why wasn’t it enough now? Remus wanted to tear himself apart thinking about it. Even his dreams seemed to remind him of everything he had lost. 

Every night he had been having the same dream. He was wondering around his home town, intuitively knowing which way to go, despite not having any idea of where he was going. Until he reached a house that was tall and dark, with bricks, and there was screaming coming from behind the door. Not just ordinary screaming, but shrieks of pure terror and pain. It was so loud he was sure it was coming from the just other side of the door. The door itself was shaking as the person on the other side, the person who was screaming, was pounding at the door trying to get out. Remus pushed at the door, turning the knob frantically but it wouldn’t budge. “I’m trying! I’m trying!” he screamed. He felt himself go weak for trying, but he didn’t stop, until eventually the door opened. Remus stared into the chasm of darkness ahead of him. The screaming and banging had stopped and he stepped into the emptiness of the house.   
Instinctively he began climbing the stairs. They were dark and winding and every step he took he felt for a moment he would fall through the ground, but every time, he hit the floor and kept on climbing. Eventually he reached the top and found himself in a room that looked a lot like the shrieking shack. Only his childhood bed was in the corner of the room instead of the one Dumbledore gave him. He heard crying coming from under the covers, and crept across the room, every step the floorboards creaked beneath his feet, until he reached the bed, and pulled back the cover, to find the wolf. He fell back in fear, but as he fell he realised he wasn’t in the room anymore, but on a broomstick, in the middle of the quidditch pitch. But he could still hear screaming, so he turned, and he watched, as Lily fell from her broom. The audience watched on silently, no one paying attention at all. Until he heard the sound on a single person clapping. He looked, and on the stands, he saw James. Sirius stood up next to him, and joined in, then the person next to him, then the whole row, until eventually the entire audience was standing, cheering on excitedly, as Lily continued to fall.   
Remus woke with a start, the memory of his dream beginning to fade before he had the chance to properly recall it. He sat up in bed, breathing heavily, his heart pounding and his mouth dry. He heard a stir from Sirius' bed, but when he looked over Sirius just rolled over to face away from him. And so, he laid back down, and stared at the ceiling until the sunrise filled the room with light. 

It was the morning of the final Quidditch match, Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff. Remus could tell Lily was nervous, but he could tell she was also distracted. James had quit quidditch because of her, and Remus could tell it was weighing on her mind. They were alone in the girls dorm, they had stopped caring about what people think soon after the most important people in their lives had decidedly stopped caring about them. “Lily, can I ask you, and you don’t have to tell me, but-”  
“You wanna know who the father was?”   
Remus sighed. “It’s not that I want to know just for some drama, I just want to know who I’m taking the fall for. You know I won’t tell anyone, and I’d never judge you.”  
“And you shouldn’t, I didn’t do anything wrong. I mean technically I wasn’t even with James at the time.”   
“Obviously...I mean I just thought maybe you’d tell me when you lost your virginity. I feel like the only virgin left in this school.”   
“Oh, you definitely aren’t, James is definitely a virgin that's why he got so upset, he wanted us to lose our virginity to each other. Don’t tell him I told you that.”   
Remus laughed. “I won’t.”   
“Shall we go?” Lily said, happy she had successfully changed the subject.   
“Lily.” Remus grabbed her hand as she walked past the bed, pulling her to sit next to him on the bed. “Please.”   
“Fine. You can’t get mad though. Promise?”  
“Promise.” Remus replied.

*

On his way to the match, Remus stopped by the room of requirements, remembering that Sirius had hidden several bottles of firewhisky there. The room of requirements was his favourite place to go. He’d only been in it when it was used as storage. There were piles and piles of things, people had put in there with the intention of hiding. There was an unspoken rule amongst everyone who stumbled upon the room. The first was that you tell no one, that every user of the room of requirements only finds it when they need it. And the second was that you never take anything from the storage that isn’t yours. By taking the bottle of firewhisky he had essentially broken both of those rules. Sirius had introduced him to the room, and now he was taking what wasn’t his. But, he didn’t care. 

He stood alone in the crowd. Watching up as Lily flew around the pitch. He noticed she would look back at him, every now and then, and he would look back, try and compose himself, try and convince himself he was fine, that what she told him didn’t burn like fire, and make him see red. But she was his best friend, and he had to put her first. But she wasn’t concentrating, and missed quite a few easy shots, to the audience's clear disgruntlement. Hufflepuff were gaining points faster and faster, and the team seemed to notice where their weakness lied. “What are you doing!” The seeker yelled at her. She looked over at Remus, her eyes seemed lost, like she was going to quit any minute. Remus tried to cheer her on, but noticed two rows ahead of himself James had turned up to watch. He looked up and saw that Lily had noticed James too. Remus initially worried that this would make her even worse, even more distracted, but it seemed to have the opposite effect. She started doing better. She was faster, and more accurate, and it wasn’t long before Gryffindor was taking the lead again. And in the final moments, as the two opposing seekers were chasing after the snitch, James was leaning in, watching intently, and erupting in cheers, smiling widely, and whistling when Gryffindor caught the snitch and were victorious. 

“You came!” Lily ran up to James at the end of the match.   
“I came to watch the team play. Not for you.” James replied, walking back to the castle with the rest of the gryffindor team. Lily paused. “Well, it's still an improvement.” Remus said. “He talked to you at least.” Lily smiled sadly. “Yeah, I guess.” And they headed back to the common room to celebrate. Though Remus didn’t necessarily feel in the mood to celebrate, he did feel in the mood to get black out drunk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (POSSIBLE SPOILER) Trigger Warning: mentions of statutory rape - not detailed just mentioned but if you could be triggered by this please don't read.

Everyone in the Gryffindor common room was celebrating. There was an air of excitiment, and joy that only occurs after a win. Sports games are on of those things, regardless of whether you care, you have, as a community, the same goal, and when you achieve that, it is difficult to not feel happy. Difficult, but not impossible, as Remus quickly found out. He was stood in the corner of the room, downing fire whisky faster than he ever had, feeling more and more angry with every sip. He saw Sirius across the room, drinking with James, smiling, laughing. He saw Lily celebrating with her teammates. And he felt alone, again. In a room filled with people, happy people, nothing feels more isolating that not being apart of that joy. And he hated the reason why. Thinking about the last time he was with Sirius, how he could have just stopped him, told the truth, how Lily could have told the truth and both of them would be able to be happy. But he just let them walk away. And of course he doesn’t blame Lily, but he can’t help but resent the situation. And when he thinks of the last conversation he had with her, he feels the anger grow within him. Flits of memories crossed his mind as the night grew on. _“Don’t you see how awful that is?” He remembered yelling. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” Lily replied._

There was a roar of laughter from across the room snapping Remus out of his thoughts, and he noticed a crowd had formed around the window. Curious he pushed his way to the front, and saw, running across the lawn completely naked, were Sirius and Peter. He laughed with crowd as the both jumped into the great lake. And laughed even harder when he noticed McGonagall approaching. The entire interaction between the three of them was hilarious. Peter struggled to pull himself out of the lake, slipping in the mud, while Sirius began running away, but feeling bad for deserting his friend he headed back helping Peter out, but ended up slipping himself, so both boys ended up laying naked in the mud, when McGonagall magicked robes on both of them and escorted them to her office. The sounds of our cheers echoed across the grounds, and Sirius stopped to take a bow to McGonagall’s disdain. It was this moment, when Remus happened to glance upward at the moon, when he realised he had fucked up. It was full moon, and through the distraction of his argument with Lily, and his feelings for Sirius, and getting completely wasted at the quidditch match, he had completely forgotten. He felt a surge from within that signalled the start of a transformation. “Oh god.” He said. “Excuse me please.” He shoved his way through the crowd of people, jolting at the pain of the transformations commencement, whilst attempting to repress it in anyway he could.

He realised, as he scrambled through the common room door, that he had never been drunk on a full moon before. And he remembered that he’d been warned against it. Fear spread through his body, adding to his initial worries of transforming in the school, and his heart began to beat so hard he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. As he turned a corner, scrambling through the corridors, he saw Slughorn leaving the room of requirements, two bottles of firewhiskey in his arms. Remus quickly jumped behind the one eyed witch statue. He knew if a teacher caught him out of bed at this time they’d take him to their office to chastise him, and knowing Slughorn he might even offer him a drink. And he didn’t want to think about what would happen if he ended up transforming in the school. He felt, as he hid, the wolf grow stronger inside him, and seeing Slughorn, he felt...hungry. Scared of his own feelings he jumped backward, trying to get as far away from Slughorn as possible as he walked passed. Not only to avoid being seen, but to avoid hearing the every increasingly appetising sound of his blood pumping around his body. But as he jumped back he fell, not against a wall, but into a tunnel. He took this as a good sign and crawled into it, pulling the hatch over himself, he sat waiting for the sound of Slughorn's footsteps to disappear. He wondered where the tunnel led, and if perhaps, the secret tunnel he used every month, wasn’t the only one out of Hogwarts grounds. But he figured the risk of finding out what was on the other side, was not worth it at this moment, and he would remember to check it out another time. So instead, he crawled back out of the tunnel, and into the corridor, where he saw James and Lily, making out as they themselves, snuck into the room of requirements. He knew, in his heart, that he should be happy for them. But in that moment, with the wolf at the forefront of his mind, he felt nothing but pure rage. As he ran out the door onto the ground, he felt his spine bend, his nails grow sharp, hair begin to sprout out of his skin, and he let out a low growl, as anger swirled around his head he remembered more of the conversation with Lily.

*

_“You promised you wouldn’t be angry!”_

_“How can I not be angry right now Lily”_

_“It’s not that serious.”_

_“It feels pretty serious.”_

_“It’s not!”_

_“He’s your teacher!”_

_“He’s not technically a teacher!”_

_“He’s an adult and your fifteen!”_

_“He’s in his 20’s”_

_“It’s still technically….”_

_“Its not...I know what you are going to say, it’s not. I wanted it. I consented!”_

_“He’s YOUR TEACHER!”_

_“He’s my coach, he’s my friend! It didn’t mean anything. You know he was actually very concerned about me, when he overheard us talking about the abortion. He was really nice about it”_

_“That...wait after the quidditch game, when I got detention, you were crying…was that when-”_

_Lily sighed. “I wasn’t crying because of… well I just felt a bit weird about it, afterwards. Like I wanted it, I did, I flirted with him, I kissed him first. But after I just felt a bit, weird...But I think thats normal, my muggle friend Kathy said she felt weird when she lost her virginity...it must of just been that.”_

_Remus clenched his jaw “I’m going to kill him.”_

_“Oh my god, Remus, you have to promise not to say anything, I don’t want him to lose his job.”_

_“He deserves to lose his job. How many more fifteen year old girls has he done this to. How many were younger even?”_

_Lily looked offended. “It just happened, it wasn’t calculated, it wasn’t like that.” Remus just shook his head. “Think what you want, just please don’t tell anyone. Please. Promise me Remus.”_

_Remus sighed. “Fine. I promise.” He said._


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius watched from Mcgonagall’s window as his friend stumbled across the grounds and disappeared behind the whomping willow. He waited to see if anyone would follow him, perhaps, he wondered, he was meeting someone there. A date of some sort. Or perhaps, he would see him emerge a little while later. But neither such occurrence transpired. Instead, the entire hour Sirius was sat in McGonagall’s office serving his detention, there wasn’t even a sound to come from behind the tree. He probably shouldn’t have paid it any notice, and honestly he couldn’t recall the last time something held his attention for so long, but recently, Remus had been holding his attention. He’d held his attention so much he felt he could die from not speaking to him for as long as he had. Sirius had spent a lot of time chasing after boys who treated him like shit. He supposed, perhaps, the childhood of horror, with coldness from his father and torment from his mother, left him a little confused and underdeveloped when it came to love. But, he learnt, through experience, that actions speak louder than words, and that constantly making excuses for someone only leads to more heartbreak at your end. So instead, he decided to practice what he had so often and eloquently preached, and he stopped talking to Remus, when it seemed, so clearly, that Remus was more interested in someone else. But there was still a niggling part of his brain telling him that in fact, Remus was different, Remus was kind, and Remus wasn’t a liar. But he told himself over and over, that these thoughts were just his old romantic heart aching for the great love stories he read in books, or saw in muggle movies, and that they were never going to exist in the real world. Especially not in his world. But still, despite it all, he found himself, on a Friday evening, stuck in detention beside Peter, caring about nothing else other than getting out so he could follow Remus behind the Whomping Willow and apologise and make everything right. Or at the very least, find out what the fuck he’s doing. 

McGonagall held Sirius back, “See you in the common room.” Peter said, scuttling away.   
She sighed. “You know, this is not exactly how I wanted to spend my Friday night either. I expected better from you.”  
Sirius scoffed. “Why?”   
McGonagall rolled her eyes. “Because, beneath it all I know you Sirius, I know you are a kind and thoughtful boy. I know you are the only person in this school that gives poor Peter the time of day, and I figured, perhaps, you were more responsible than to get him involved in such stupid behaviour.”   
Sirius put his head down. “It was just a laugh.”   
“You were drunk.”  
“Everyone was drunk!”  
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. You have been involved in more and more incidences like these since you started spending time with Remus, I know Fernsby caught you smoking and I know you have been sneaking around after dark. I understand you are teenagers but there's only so far I can turn a blind eye, and when your grades are affected, and you're dragging in innocent people like Peter into your little games, I begin to doubt my opinion of you, which, if you’d like to know, is rather high. You could be brilliant Mr Black, please stop letting yourself be distracted.”   
“Well… I don’t really talk to Remus anymore anyway so you don’t have to worry about that.”   
“Good. Now, please stay out of trouble.” She dismissed him, but before he reached the door he turned and asked “Professor...When exactly was the Whomping Willow planted?”   
“Uh, well I suppose the year you started here. Why do you ask?”   
“No reason.” He responded, and left in a hurry. 

*

The next morning Remus woke up, naked, tired, and not where he usually was. He was curled up, and shivering, halfway through the tunnel. He wondered if he hadn’t made it to the shack before transforming, he wondered if he’d been heading back to hogwarts, or worse, heading back from hogwarts. He could rarely remember the things he did whilst transformed, though they sometimes crept up on him, when he was particularly tired, or even in dreams. But in those cases it was easy to brush off, because, how could he be sure they were even real?   
In searching for his clothes he thought it best to check the shack, where he usually changed before transforming, before heading out naked into hogsmeade, or worse, hogwarts grounds. Though he couldn't be sure whether he even managed to get his clothes off before transforming, and was worried he would find just a pile of torn up fabric and would have to wander back to his room wrapped in the bedsheets, which, again, wouldn't be ideal. But when he got to the door he couldn't open it. 

He pushed and pushed, shaking the handle as much as he could, refusing to humour the thought that was niggling at his mind. The only way to lock the door was from the inside, which would mean someone was in there, which definitely can't happen. But after a small shuffle, he heard a voice on the other side of the door "Hold on, one minute." It was quiet, and wary, and he realised, immediately who the voice belonged to.

Sirius opened the door, furniture all moved out of place having just been propped up against the door, clearly used for extra protection...against Remus. Remus' heart sunk, Sirius knew now, Remus' greatest secret. Worse, he probably saw him, and he was probably afraid of him. Remus remembered, suddenly amongst all the worry, that he was completely naked.   
"Oh my god." he said, covering himself up. "Are my.. " he voice was croaky. He cleared his throat. "Are my clothes in there?"   
"Uhh, some of them…. Sirius moved aside and Remus saw his underwear and a torn up t-shirt on the floor. He quickly rushed in and got dressed.  
"So you're a werewolf huh?" Sirius laughed, breaking the awkward silence between them.   
Remus nodded. "Did you see me… you know, transformed" Sirius nodded.   
"Its my fault, I'm sorry." Sirius sat down on the bed, and Remus sat tentatively on the edge. "I saw you going behind the whomping willow and, well I was probably still drunk… but I just figured I would come and see… where you were going...or if you were meeting someone…" Sirius admitted.   
"No just…. becoming a terrifying monster."   
Sirius chuckled. "It wasn't that bad. I got into this room and well you weren't anywhere...but then I heard something in that closet… crying… and you were in there… and you looked at me, and I was scared, obviously. But you didn't attack me. You sort of sniffed me, and you snarled a bit, and then just ran off. So I locked the door. I didn't really compute what was happening, but for some reason I knew it was you. And I think you knew it was me." Remus smiled, a rush of relief overcoming him at how well Sirius was taking it all, he shouldn’t have doubted him. He felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I wish I could tell you if that was true but… I can't remember what happened. I never do."   
"Oh..well.. it was nice of you to not kill me either way."   
"Well I guess I must have just spent the rest of the night in the tunnel, that’s where I woke up."   
"Probably. I heard you moving around a bit but nothing else."   
"Good. Now where's my trousers?"   
"I think they were in the other room. You seemed to have undressed in a hurry, shame I wasn't there to see it." Sirius winked at Remus, who blushed and headed to the other room. After a couple of seconds of silence, Sirius heard a scream from the other room. He rushed up from the bed, and through the door where Remus was standing, his trousers only on one leg, pale as a ghost, pointing into the corner of the room. Sirius took a step toward where Remus was pointing, and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the shadows, he saw, lying in the corner and covered in blood, a dead body.


End file.
